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Hickam Airmen encouraged to ask before they act

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Nathan Allen
  • 15th Airlift Wing Public Affairs
JOINT BASE PEARL HARBOR HICKAM, Hi. --  Not often in a romantic movie does the viewer see two lovers look longingly into one another's eyes and lean in to kiss only to have the romance interrupted by one asking the other if they can kiss them. One fateful day in 1989, Mike Domitrz life and career were changed forever when he received a distressing phone call from his mother telling him that his older sister had been raped. Since then, he decided he wanted to make a difference by touring the world teaching people why, in the arena of sexual intimacy, "asking first" makes all the difference. This message was presented to Hickam Airmen by Mr. Domitrz April 29 in three shows held at the base theater to encourage Airmen to ask before they act in the realm of sexual intimacy.

According to Mr. Domitrz, the driving force behind the "Can I Kiss You" revolution is the positive feedback and success stories he hears from listeners who have changed the way they date or experience intimacy with their partner.

"We see the difference it's making," he said. "It's hearing stories from people saying 'This changes the way I date' or 'This changes the way I'm intimate with a partner' - seeing those results and knowing we have so much more to accomplish and so many more people to reach keeps us going."

The unique quality of the "Can I Kiss You" campaign is that he focuses on telling his audience what they can do instead of inundating them with more rules about what they can't do.

"It gives you skills on what you can do. People are sick of being told what they can't do," Mr. Domitrz said. "Our program is about telling people what they can do to make it fun and to make it wonderful. When we're all built on what we can do, there's a much more positive energy there."

In Mr. Domitrz's estimation, the military is doing comparatively well regarding sexual intimacy practices as compared to civilian organizations - an accomplishment he attributes to the military's proactive stance on the issue.

"The military is trying to be as progressive as possible to give a lot of education to their men and women to try and lower their occurrences compared to what's happening in civilian society," he said. "The average military member will go through way more training on this issue than the average college student will."

Capt. Maritza Sayle-Walker, 15th Airlift Wing Sexual Assault Response Coordinator, confirmed the military's proactive stance against sexual assault and credited the military's advantage over civilian organizations to the amount of resources and training it provides to servicemembers.

"It's required for all military to have annual sexual assault prevention training as well as before someone deploys. Sexual Assault is definitely something we want to prevent."

Capt. Sayle Walker said one difference between military and civilian organizations is the military's development of restricted and unrestricted reporting. As military members, Airmen aren't obligated to report the crime to security forces and be part of an investigation. Airmen also have victim advocates provided by the SARC on call at all hours - another services not typically found in outside agencies.

Mr. Domritz said the benefits of adhering to the principles of the "Can I Kiss You" message for military members are threefold. First, for military members to understand that by asking to kiss a person, intimacy is not only made easier, but it's the right thing to do. Second, by being a good wingman and intervening when a friend is about to become a victim or victimize someone, a dangerous situation is being prevented. Finally, by supporting survivors instead of showing anger toward the perpetrator, loved ones will be able to ask for support more easily."

"We want military members to understand that by asking to kiss a person you not only make intimacy easier, but it's the right thing to do. By being a good wingman and intervening when a friend is about to make a mistake, you're preventing a dangerous situation.

For more information on the "Can I Kiss You" campaign, visit www.datesafeproject.org.